Harry Potter and the Spell of Transportation

Harry Potter during his guest appearance in Hebron

by Alizarin Crimson and Harry Potter

At 6:45 PM on September 22nd, human rights workers (HRWs) in Hebron paid a visit to their neighbors, the Abu Haikals where they were shocked, SHOCKED to find that soldiers had yet again, invaded the home.

HRWs rang the bell of the house and politely asked the soldiers to be let in. After receiving no response, HRWs realized that the soldiers, fearful of HRWs entering, had barricaded themselves in the house using a desk to secure the door from the inside.

What the soldiers did not know was that Harry Potter had paid a visit to Hebron that day and had followed the HRWs to the Abu Haikal house. Using his Spell of Transportation, Harry magically transported* three of the HRWs inside the house where soldiers were shocked, SHOCKED to turn around and find NONE OTHER than Harry Potter and his non-violent army of HRWs filming the soldier’s shenanigans.

HRWs noticed that the IOF soldiers were messing with the families’ computer. When asked what they were searching for, soldiers replied they were looking for weapons or “evidence.”

You may click here to listen to the audio of the following conversation Harry Potter had with the soldiers or read it below:

Harry Potter: I think you should search the settler homes, you will find lots of weapons there…What do you think personally, if you’re getting in this house once a week or three times a month, you know, harassing these people here, giving them a hard time and the settlers instead are walking around with their huge guns, throwing stones at school kids and all that stuff. You feel fine protecting them ? Honestly, I mean.

Soldier 1: No comment…. I’m not protecting them, I’m protecting my country.

HRW 1: From whom are you protecting your country ?

Soldier 2: I’m protecting my country and my conscience is clean”

Harry Potter: Why are you protecting your country HERE?

Soldier 2: Because this is also my country.

Harry Potter: This is the West Bank.

Soldier 2: So what ?

Harry Potter: You think the West Bank is Israel ?

Soldier 2: Who, who are you to tell me what is Israel and what is not ?

Harry Potter: I’m just curious what you think.

Soldier 2: Yes, this is Israel. You can open the Bible, the holy…

The remaining three HRWs stayed outside the home and were able to force the door open just enough to lodge a brick between the door and the frame, creating a hole just big enough to film the soldiers searching through the families’ computer.

After approximately half an hour of searching the computer and not finding any “evidence,” the soldiers got bored and asked the HRWs who had been continually banging on the door to please move so they could leave. Six Israeli soldiers emerged from the home, empty handed and somewhat irritated.

Upon examining their computer, the Abu Haikals discovered that the soldiers had left some graffiti in Hebrew and had deleted some software.

The graffiti reads “the one who dares, wins. Unit Palchod 96”

Feryal Abu Haikal commented, “They haven’t been here in about a month, it was time for them to come again.”

* Everything in this report is completely true except for the way in which HRWs entered the home which will remain classified for “security” reasons.